24 Comments

  1. suzanne

    Hi Kerryanne,
    I’m so thankful for your articles. And I’ve bookmarked them for future use.
    My mother is 80 and still doing very well, which I’m so thankful for, but I know it’s going to be difficult when the time comes for the “talk”.
    She’s fiercely independent and it’s going to be difficult for my sister and I to have her move out of her own home after all these decades.
    Your advice is going to be so helpful!
    Thanks again,
    Suzanne

    • Hi Suzanne, I’m so glad to hear that and so thankful for your kind words.
      You know, independence is very often the last thing that seems to be under our control, as we age, so it’s only natural to stick to it as long as it is possible, and even beyond.
      You are all so lucky that your Mom is doing very well at 80 and, when the time comes, I hope you will find a solution that she will be ok with.
      All the best,
      Kerryanne

  2. What an amazing and very helpful post on caring for tour elderly parents you’ve put together here! This is a tough topic for many people to even want to talk about but it’s like a required part of life. We don’t want to assume like you mentioned, we want to be right before any necessary changes have take place.

    My parents are not at the age to be taken care of yet, but I know my younger brother and I will do our best to give them the best for their needs.

    Although I haven’t had a serious sit down talk with them about this, I’ve seen it with other people…

    I’ve seen it happen with their parents and how my aunts and uncles have had to adjust for taking care of their parents without the addition of a family home.

    In time, the pieces will form and I’ll have a better grasp on how to approach it all.

    Thank you for sharing! I really learned a lot and felt more comfortable taking action on this.

    • Thank you for your very kind comment! I am really glad if you managed to take something from my text that can help you in the future. Those among us, who are lucky enough to still have parents when they are old enough to need care, really need to deal with a pretty tough task when the time comes. I personally have a lot of experience in this, as I had been a caregiver for all of my parents (I mean my own and my in-laws) to the last days of their lives. My present job is connected to the field of care, so I get in touch with many families asking for advice, usually when it becomes urgent. It would be so much better for everyone to be prepared in advance. You are lucky to have a sibling to share this task. Have you thought about discussing with him the topic, for now?
      All the best,
      Kerryanne

  3. Jade

    Hi Kerryanne,

    Thank you for this super informative article! Since I’m only in my twenties (and I’m the oldest of my siblings, the youngest of which just moved out), this all does seem super far away for me. But you’re right; it is better to start at least preparing some or having some idea of what their wishes are. I haven’t had any sort of talk with them, so I have no idea if they have a will or what they want for their futures. I hadn’t thought about any of this before, but – as hard as it will be – I realize now that I do need have at least an initial talk with them.

    • Hi Jade. I’m glad that you at your very young age still find this article informative enough to read it through and even initiate some thoughts. It might be too early for you and your parents, but it doesn’t hurt if the idea finds its place in your mind.
      Thank you for your comment and all the best!

  4. Thank you so much for this highly informative article, Kerryanne. I currently care for my 60 year old, developmentally delayed mother (I am an only child), and there’s certainly a lot that goes into it. When my grandparents passed away (one in 2014, the other in 2017), I immediately became my mother’s legal guardian, representative payee (Social Security), ad well as power of attorney. I love my mother dearly and do my best to care for her, but it’s extremely exhausting-she has several health problems, constant doctor’s appointments, and requires constant monitoring. I am blessed, however, as she has a wonderful homemaker that cares for her while I’m at work, she’s still able to walk and move on her own, she doesn’t require assistive devices or home modifications at this point, she doesn’t take a ridiculous amount of medicine (though she does take a couple of different medications), and she still has her senses (her recent dementia screening shows that she does not have dementia). Anything worth doing requires sacrifice, but God will always be with us, will help us, and will bless us. Great read! God bless you!

    • Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your story with us! I doubt, though that I could tell you anything you didn’t know already, since you’ve been a caregiver for so many years now. It is a huge stress on you, with all the responsibilities you bear on your shoulder, yet your comment is anything but complaining! I can only admire you for that and wish you all the best, to you and your dear Mom!

  5. Hi,

    Thanks for putting this article together.

    My mother has needed to move in with me, so this is very timely information for me.

    I love the way you’ve gone throught all the potential needs. It will help me to make sure I haven’t missed anything important.

    Thanks again.

    • Thank you for visiting and commenting. I’m glad if you find this useful.
      Make sure you do not forget to take care of yourself, as well, while caring of your Mom. All the best!

  6. These are all very important advice and definitely something we should think about before we find ourselves in that situation. Even though, I have to admit it’s hard to even think about it. But it’s life.
    Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi, Tanya, for some reason I have a feeling you might be very young. If that’s so, it is quite understandable you can’t wrap your mind around such a thing as caring for elderly parents. However, it will come close some day, and then, you might remember that somewhere in the past you read something about preparations for the role of a caregiver. I hope you will and some benefit will stay with you from this text.
      Thank you for being here and commenting in such an approving way.

  7. My mother lives on a different continent, she is in Germany and I am in Mexico. I sometimes think of the time when she may need care. She has always had excellent health and she lives in a ground floor appartment. I just don’t want to live in Germany and I am not sure that she would want to live here in Mexico. We also have a difficult past and so living together would be challenging at the least. I honestly don’t know how I am going to handle the situation when or if it presents itself … but I know that I have to think about it. When you had a normal loving childhood, it is certainly different, but I didn’t have that; so our relationship has been ruined for decades and we can only spend one or two days together without being at each other’s throats. It saddens me … but I don’t know what to do about it.

    • It really is a sad situation Christine and I’m sorry to hear it.
      Not the distance part, as there are solutions for that which I’ll be writing about in one of my next posts, but the relationship part. It is such a pity that you are missing on such a special bond as one with your mother can be.
      Nevertheless, you need to find some sort of peace within it, if none, for your own sake. And, believe me, even in a normal childhood, with the best intentions, parents and children equally may be “guilty” of some ruined relationships. But, nothing can destroy someone’s soul more effectively than the everlasting feeling of guilt of perhaps not doing the most one could, when they are gone.
      If I were in your shoes I’d probably feel devastated. But the best (and hardest) I could do is to try to patch up whatever I can and think of a support from distance when the time comes.
      I wish you an equal response from your mother, if you decide to try. All the best!

  8. ladia

    Thank you so much. Even though I am still young, I found this article really helpful for the future when I will need to take care of my parents. I really liked your advice to help them but at the same time don’t forget ourselves.

    • I am really glad someone young as you read this post. Some of these will hopefully stay somewhere in your mind and be pulled out when needed. At least, you’ll know that you need to prepare and also to take good care of yourself, as well.
      I’m pleased that you found it helpful, thank you.

  9. I never thought there were so many things to consider. Even from simply having the conversation could lead to trouble and friction. That’s not even considering the financial aspects or the distruption to parties involved.

    Very insightful, thanks for sharing it.

  10. Awesome content!

    Aging is a process we all have to go through at some point. Personally, I dread it and hate birthdays.

    It is very difficult seeing someone you love aging and facing varying degrees of physical disability, mental health issues and any other illness on a daily basis. Their independence is also greatly impacted and it is important that we are there to support and exercise patience when supporting the elderly.

    These tips are a most for every carer!

    • Well, hopefully, we are all going to get old some day, if we live long enough. It certainly isn’t the most pleasant thing to deal with, but is inevitable.
      Before we get there, however, most of us will have to witness our parents’ aging process, which is not easy, as you say. I’ve wrote about it in an earlier post which you might find interesting.
      https://seniorvitalityaid.com/dealing-with-stubborn-elderly-parents/
      When you prepare for being a caregiver, the best service to yourself is to really prepare. Even then, bumps in the road may occur, but significantly less.
      Thank you for your kind comment!

  11. Hi Kerryanne,

    Thank you very much for sharing this thorough guide in helping our elderly parents.
    Since I got married and moved to America, I don’t get involved directly in helping and caring for my father and mother. So, I rely on my beloved sister to do so. That said, I do send them some supplements from the US, and some money if they need it for their medication, insurance, and daily needs.
    I told my Mom and sister to do a little garden and maybe hydroponics since I think it is a good place for my parents to unwind and enjoy their relaxed time in the morning or afternoon.

    I am so glad my sister followed my advice and she came up with a better idea which is aquaponics. So, it’s gardening and caring for fish at the same time. My father loves fishing, but because he has some health problems now, he can’t go fishing anymore. The aquaponics makes him happy and it helps him to move and do minimal stuff every day. I think that’s a brilliant idea.

    I’ll be sharing your post with my sister. Thank you, Kerryanne.

    • Thank you for being here Ferra and commenting.
      I think it is the way you can be involved in taking care of your parents. A carer is not necessarily only the one physically dealing with it. If you are regularly in touch, as you are and doing the most you can, you are a long distance carer. I do hope your sister will find helpful some parts of the article, as she is already actively caring for your Mom and Dad, as I understand. It seems she is doing a great job, but perhaps the section of taking care of herself with give her some new perspectives.
      Thank you for sharing this post and all the best!

  12. Hi Kerryanne,

    Thank you for writing this highly detailed post about how to prepare for your elderly parents. My parents are not quite at an age to be cared for. But they themselves have started to make a plan. My mom works in a geriatric clinic. So she has heard all about aging in place. When my parents built their new house, they made sure they would be able to age in place. I do think I will make a more detailed plan with my family and I will definitely use your suggestions to do so.

    -Amanda

    • Thank you Amanda for your high opinion on the article, I appreciate it.
      Sounds like you’ll have a great deal easier job, since your parents are actively preparing for aging in place. It was probably affected by your Mom’s workplace, but, still, it is nice to hear that someone is aware of the possible difficulties and is ready to do something about it while it’s not too late.
      All the best to all of you.

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